Friday, March 05, 2004
arts and crafts
Gosh. I think I'm stuck like this forever, or at least until this dorm stops feeling like a summer camp. And thanks, thanks for everything and nothing. You're the proverbial stake through my heart! It smells like the camp I used to go to; pine and mothballs. I think I'm overdramatic, but I don't think that's a reason to discredit my every move and the after taste I leave. I think summer camp puts us all in this loophole.
I think you're detached and I don't think that's any better. I think I'm naive and strong and I'm repeating the cycle. Remember, it's like last time. I'm so hallucinated and utterly without aim that all I can do is get better. So here I go, watch me wax and wane. I've been jogging and reading books, I've been writing and analyzing, I've been taking vitamins and forging random acts of kindness. I've been busy with not communicating with you. I've been branching out and making new friends and forgetting about old ones who questioned my credentials. I'm crawling into bed by 2. I'm falling asleep to silence. It gets better. It's true, I have also been drinking and kissing and repenting and analyzing. Don't worry, these things fade and die. They're killed, exterminated, not to be reincarnated. I'll remember that and all of it when I'm being the poster child for some political cause, or marching or fighting, when I'm making out, running, when I'm sidekicking, speaking, lying, cheating on tests, voting, breaking hearts. When I embody everything you never want to see or hear or breathe. And when I'm all you ever wanted. I can't believe it all becomes mechanical. I can't wait until the psychosis sets in. I can't believe it.
I'm not a drama queen. I just feel things differently than you do.
I think you're detached and I don't think that's any better. I think I'm naive and strong and I'm repeating the cycle. Remember, it's like last time. I'm so hallucinated and utterly without aim that all I can do is get better. So here I go, watch me wax and wane. I've been jogging and reading books, I've been writing and analyzing, I've been taking vitamins and forging random acts of kindness. I've been busy with not communicating with you. I've been branching out and making new friends and forgetting about old ones who questioned my credentials. I'm crawling into bed by 2. I'm falling asleep to silence. It gets better. It's true, I have also been drinking and kissing and repenting and analyzing. Don't worry, these things fade and die. They're killed, exterminated, not to be reincarnated. I'll remember that and all of it when I'm being the poster child for some political cause, or marching or fighting, when I'm making out, running, when I'm sidekicking, speaking, lying, cheating on tests, voting, breaking hearts. When I embody everything you never want to see or hear or breathe. And when I'm all you ever wanted. I can't believe it all becomes mechanical. I can't wait until the psychosis sets in. I can't believe it.
I'm not a drama queen. I just feel things differently than you do.
