i'm back from outer space

i look back and there is europe. there is nothing i can do or say here for awhile that will mean much of anything in comparison. i have not had the time to contemplate or understand what the past month has done to me. people ask me 'so- tell me about it. what did you do?' and i don't have any kind of sufficient answer. my parents keep pushing for details, but i don't know what to say. i feel like the sites meant nothing and the people meant everything. but you don't say that to parents like mine, when they paid $4,000 for you to see a lot of monuments and baroque sculptures.

i job hunt during the day and come home to sit around my new apartment, and feel shitty, because i am not productive, and as hard as a try i have yet to find employment. of course, at this point i realize that by monday i will be slaving at the fucking coldstone creamery and that's a bit of fist to my jaw.

as far as i can tell, my parents have written me off somewhat, which is fair. and fine. i guess i have to grow up sometime, but it's not something i'm going to ever really want, even after it happens

all i can put into words right now is that i do not know who i am at all, and i won't know for a very long time. i know my disposition, my personality, what i want here and now. but not what i want forever. i am not one of those people who gets married and has children by the age of 25.